We, the children of separation and divorce, want a voice in the decisions that are made about us. Decisions about parental access and custody affect our lives forever.
We want those who have the power to make decisions for us, to recognize and adopt the principle that access is the right of the child. It is fundamental to our emotional well-being that we maintain a strong and loving relationship with both our parents. We want continuing care and guidance from both our parents, even after their divorce. When our parents separate, we do not separate from them. What our parents say about each other should have no bearing on our access. Financial concerns between our parents should have no bearing on our access. When the court takes away our access to punish a parent, the court is punishing us. We do not want to be victimized. We want to be happy. We want maximum possible contact with each of our parents. With few exceptions, that’s what makes us happy.
We want those who have the power to make decisions for us to recognize and adopt the principle that, except in extraordinary cases, custody shall always be shared jointly by our parents. We do not want to be a part of any proceeding that sees us as an asset to be distributed according to someone else’s need. We are not property to be divided, or a prize to be awarded. Granting sole custody to one of our parents guarantees that we will be drawn into the conflict between them. Declaring that one of our parents is more capable than the other is disturbing to us. We want to respect our parents equally.
Although we are 'smaller' than those who make decisions for us, we are just as human. Our feelings are just as valid and our emotions are just as strong. We want to love our parents equally, without guilt or fear.
We want to speak and be heard, in person or through a specifically-trained individual, at any proceeding where a decision will be made about parental access or custody. We insist on being involved because such decisions change our lives forever. We would prefer that a forum be found that does not include the adversarial nature of the courtroom. The courtroom promotes hostility between our parents. Additionally, legal costs reduce our parents' financial ability to maintain two households, and ultimately reduce our standard of living.